Love Hurts review – no love, much hurts

Ke Huy Quan and Ariana Debose star in stunt performer Jonathan Eusebio’s Valentine’s Day-themed directorial debut.

For superstitious folk looking for new traces of proof that the so-called post-Oscar curse (the bad movie misfortune that paradoxically follows Academy Award winners in the years following their win) continues to haunt actors holding onto their gold-plated statuettes, look no further than the new action-comedy, Love Hurts. As the latest victim of the curse, Ke Huy Quan joins in on Ariana DeBose’s flop streak, his delightful screen presence not nearly enough to distract from such a depressingly uninspired film.

Huy Quan plays the cheerful, seemingly happy-go-lucky Marvin Gable, a real estate agent who loves his job and the new life he’s built for himself, until his past life as an assassin comes back to haunt him. It turns out that Marvin had disobeyed his crime lord brother, the power-hungry Knuckles (Daniel Wu) who in the past, had ordered him to kill Rose (Ariana DeBose), a woman who had stolen several millions from the mob. Marvin, being in love with Rose, took mercy and they both fled, going their separate ways.

Back in the the present, as Marvin is looking through his mail while gearing up for the office Valentine’s Day party, he notices a red card which signals Rose’s return. Knuckles gets one too, and orders his posse to get both her and his brother killed. And there’s not much else to this wafer-thin premise that pits the two brothers against each other, as every possibility for pathos is stifled by lazy writing. None of these characters leave any impression at all, which is all too apropos when they have names like Knuckles, Rose, King and Raven.

At least there is dedication to the spectacle of practical stunt work, owed to director Jonathan Eusebio’s background as a seasoned stunt performer. Yet the action takes place against corporate and real estate showroom sets that are so sparse, constantly reminding us that this is a world that’s not lived in; that these are characters with no texture, no purpose other than to desperately dog-paddle from one scene to the next. We arrive to every action scene exhausted after being bombarded with exposition through contrived voiceovers (initially Marvin’s, which makes sense, but then Rose chimes in too, because why not), hokey dialogue and clichéd flashbacks. If the big Hollywood dogs are listening, they should really head back to the drawing board and search for meaningful ways to capitalise on their Oscar winners.

Published 7 Feb 2025

Tags: Jonathan Eusebio