Gotta go fast to watch the new Sonic The Hedgehog… | Little White Lies

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Got­ta go fast to watch the new Son­ic The Hedge­hog trailer

30 Apr 2019

Words by Charles Bramesco

Blue cartoon hedgehog character holding a handheld mirror, surrounded by colourful rubber band balls.
Blue cartoon hedgehog character holding a handheld mirror, surrounded by colourful rubber band balls.
Jim Car­rey twid­dles his orange mous­tache as the nefar­i­ous Dr Robotnik.

A grand total of 90 mil­lion Amer­i­can dol­lars went into the pro­duc­tion of Son­ic the Hedge­hog, an adap­ta­tion of the pop­u­lar video game series about an anthro­po­mor­phized blue mam­mal capa­ble of run­ning at sound-bar­ri­er-break­ing speeds. Today, the first trail­er for this film has sur­faced online, and the design of its cen­tral char­ac­ter has left some won­der­ing where that mon­ey went.

Voiced by Lar­ry King guest extra­or­di­naire Ben Schwartz, this new Son­ic plumbs the Uncan­ny Val­ley with the reck­less aban­don of a bungee jumper, the character’s humanoid teeth and defined mus­cu­la­ture clash­ing vio­lent­ly with his soul­less, dig­i­tized eyes. Maybe it’s the reams upon reams of fan-made erot­i­ca tar­nish­ing Sonic’s lega­cy, but some­thing about him seems off.

In his big Hol­ly­wood debut, Son­ic does bat­tle with the sin­is­ter, mus­tache-twid­dling Doc­tor Robot­nik (Jim Car­rey, in an increas­ing­ly rare stu­dio com­e­dy appear­ance) and befriends kind­ly Green Hills sher­iff Tom Wachows­ki (James Mars­den). Pret­ty stan­dard good-and-evil stuff, with the oblig­a­tory squadron of flat-topped mil­i­tary men wait­ing at the ready to blast an unfa­mil­iar crea­ture to smithereens. Must be the King Kong Regiment.

To the inscrutably-select­ed strains of Gangsta’s Par­adise,” our Son­ic runs cir­cles around his neme­ses, his hyper­speed visu­al­ly rep­re­sent­ed by putting the rest of the world in slow motion while he moves nor­mal­ly. Block­buster afi­ciona­dos may remem­ber this strik­ing tech­nique being pre­vi­ous­ly used to great dra­mat­ic effect in X‑Men: Days of Future Past.

Direct­ed by first-timer Jeff Fowler and with a screen­play cred­it­ed to five dif­fer­ent writ­ers, the film comes from less-than-aus­pi­cious ori­gins. But kids don’t usu­al­ly get hung up on night­mar­ish CGI in the way that adults do. It sure didn’t slow down the Polar Express.

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