House on Bare Mountain – the softcore flick that… | Little White Lies

House on Bare Moun­tain – the soft­core flick that reunit­ed the Uni­ver­sal monsters

28 Oct 2022

Words by Sean McGeady

A scantily-clad woman, along with other people, at a dimly lit party scene with balloons and decorations.
A scantily-clad woman, along with other people, at a dimly lit party scene with balloons and decorations.
60 years since its release, this strange qua­si-mon­ster flick is a reminder of cin­e­ma before the IP wars began in earnest.

Sex has always under­scored Universal’s most famous mon­ster movies. For all that sub­text, though, it wasn’t until the 1960s that Drac­u­la, Frankenstein’s mon­ster and the Wolf-Man would get to see a set of knock­ers that weren’t on the front door of a goth­ic mansion.

Released on the grind­house cir­cuit in 1962, House on Bare Moun­tain is a ram­bunc­tious nudie-cutie caper in which clas­sic mon­sters min­gle with Hol­ly­wood hard­bod­ies. Laced with low­brow com­e­dy and fea­tur­ing more flesh than a meat raf­fle, it was shot in Nud­era­ma’ and Sex­i­col­or’, non­sense terms with about as much sub­stance as the skin flick’s plot.

The film unfolds at Granny Good’s School for Good Girls, a moun­tain­top fin­ish­ing col­lege where it’s not so much class as ass that’s in ses­sion. The clos­est any­one comes to learn­ing’ here is when a stu­dent is tasked with read­ing the dic­tio­nary – which she duly does, top­less. Com­pared to the more sor­did roughies’ that would fol­low, though – and even some films of today – the whole thing remains rel­a­tive­ly inno­cent, its tone more Ben­ny Hill than The Big Snatch.

The school is presided over by Granny Good, played by fabled sex­ploita­tion pro­duc­er Bob Cresse in dime-store drag. The head­mistress parades her chest-blessed stu­dents around the grounds and for the full con­tem­pla­tion of the cam­era, with au naturel aer­o­bics nat­u­ral­ly lead­ing to a long show­er scene. That’s not all there is to the school, though. Granny Good is run­ning an ille­gal hooch dis­tillery in the base­ment with the help of the Wolf-Man. Worse still, she’s pay­ing him a non-union wage. Not to wor­ry; new stu­dent Pru­dence’ is an under­cov­er cop enrolled to expose the entire charade.

The plot is imma­te­r­i­al, as gos­samer-thin as the girls’ out­fits. Like many exploita­tion films, this is a pic­ture whose come-ons promise more than it comes up with. No mon­ster ever had it so good!” and You’ve nev­er seen more… let us prove it to you!” were just two of the lines used to adver­tise the movie’s nudie union of woman and ghoul. Audi­ences got noth­ing of the sort.

Though the Wolf-Man gets some screen time down in the base­ment, the oth­ers are only briefly seen dur­ing the cli­mac­tic cos­tume par­ty, Drac­u­la gurn­ing beneath an exag­ger­at­ed widow’s peak and Frankenstein’s mon­ster in a naff mask that doesn’t cov­er the actor’s neck. Which begs the ques­tion: is it even meant to be them?

Accord­ing to the cred­its, yes. They’re billed as Franken­stein’, Drac­u­la’ and Wolf­man’… but the fact that their actors are list­ed as Per­cy Franken­stein, Doris Drac­u­la and Abe Grey­hound sug­gests it’s best to take such nomen­cla­ture with a few buck­ets of salt. So why fea­ture the char­ac­ters any­way if they’re bare­ly going to participate?

Vintage horror film poster featuring images of partially nude models and monsters. Gaudy red and black colour scheme with bold text announcing "The House on Bare Mountain".

Lov­able’ Bob Cresse was a shrewd man. Shrewd in that he knew how to make a prof­it but also in that he’d stick a .38 in your mouth if you didn’t pay him. He would go on to pro­duce the sen­sa­tion­al­ist 1966 trav­el­ogue film Mon­do Bizarro and the 1969 Nazis­ploita­tion flick Love Camp 7, but Bare Moun­tain would be his first big hit.

Fol­low­ing their 1930s and 1940s hey­day, Universal’s mon­sters were on their way to being for­got­ten. In the mid-1950s, tele­vi­sion ensured they wouldn’t be. With Uni­ver­sal films in reg­u­lar TV rota­tion, the Count and co were wel­comed by a new gen­er­a­tion. By the late 1950s, Uni­ver­sal horror’s sec­ond wave was reach­ing its peak. In the same year Bare Moun­tain was released to grind­house the­atres, Bob­by Pick­ett released the immor­tal nov­el­ty song Mon­ster Mash. For horn­dog hor­ror fans of the ear­ly 1960s, then, few things could’ve been more excit­ing than taglines like, Everything’s off! When the Hol­ly­wood mod­els meet the monsters!”.

The mon­sters were more mar­ket­ing tool than neces­si­ty of nar­ra­tive. But as incon­se­quen­tial as their pres­ence here is, it’s not as incon­gru­ous as it might seem. By 1962, they had already co-starred in mul­ti­ple mash-ups – includ­ing House of Franken­stein and House of Drac­u­la – and each already had a his­to­ry as a sex­u­al deviant, even if they hadn’t been allowed to show it.

The vam­pire has always been cinema’s most erot­ic mon­ster, syn­ony­mous with pen­e­tra­tion and mes­mer­ic allure. At this stage in his sil­ver-screen career, the Count was as sexy as he’d ever been. Bela Lugosi had been effort­less­ly, tran­scen­dent­ly debonair in 1931’s Drac­u­la but the era pro­hib­it­ed him from being more explic­it. By the late 1950s, Ham­mer had a lit­tle more leeway.

Christo­pher Lee’s Count was pos­i­tive­ly rav­en­ous. He swans around the 1958 adap­ta­tion reek­ing of sex. His ani­mal­is­tic per­for­mance, though, is clear­ly one that the cast of Bare Moun­tain had nev­er seen. Drac­u­la looks unique­ly bored dur­ing the film’s cos­tume par­ty, his only con­tri­bu­tion com­ing when he pours a bot­tle of liquor into the punch. Lugosi made clear that the Count nev­er drinks… wine, but here he’s clear­ly enam­oured with vodka.

The eroti­cism of Frankenstein’s mon­ster is defined more by the absence of love than its pres­ence. In his 1931 debut, he lusts after his creator’s fiancée. In its sequel, 1935’s Bride of Franken­stein, he is imme­di­ate­ly spurned by the woman lit­er­al­ly engi­neered to be his mate. The mon­ster per­haps comes clos­est to get­ting his end away in Bare Moun­tain, in which he does the twist with Miss Hol­ly­wood (so says the tagline any­way). Unfor­tu­nate­ly the par­ty gets inter­rupt­ed by the cops before they get the chance to cop off.

Equal­ly trag­ic is Lon Chaney Jr’s Lar­ry Tal­bot, who first appeared in 1941’s The Wolf-Man, a bro­ken man all too aware of what hap­pens when the wolf­bane blooms and the moon is full and bright. When Tal­bot trans­forms, man’s inner ani­mal is let off its leash. His sub­se­quent ram­pages bring harm to those clos­est to him, usu­al­ly women.

The Wolf-Man has the biggest part to play in Bare Moun­tain, seem­ing­ly enslaved and set to work for 13 cents an hour. Despite his vis­age, here he’s more like Tal­bot the man than Tal­bot the beast, beat­en down and emas­cu­lat­ed by Granny Good. The film’s comedic high­light comes with the reveal that the man snoop­ing around the school we’ve assumed to be a detec­tive is actu­al­ly the Wolf-Man’s union rep.

In the annals of cin­e­ma, too, these char­ac­ters have scarce­ly had such mis­er­able rep­re­sen­ta­tion. Con­trived as max­i­mum tit­il­la­tion for min­i­mum bud­get, House on Bare Moun­tain is cheap, cyn­i­cal and about as arous­ing as that meat raf­fle from para­graph two. The film is lit­tle more than a hot flash on the siz­zle reel of Universal’s most cel­e­brat­ed mon­sters but, 60 years on from its release, it remains their most sala­cious out­ing. It wasn’t the first time the trio had shared the screen, but they’d nev­er been in a house of such ill-repute as this.

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