Godzilla | Little White Lies

Godzil­la

16 May 2014 / Released: 16 May 2014

Massive creature emerging from ruins, dark tones with bursts of warm colour.
Massive creature emerging from ruins, dark tones with bursts of warm colour.
5

Anticipation.

Everything’s in place, we just need the fury.

5

Enjoyment.

‘I am the lizard king – I can do anything.’

5

In Retrospect.

Astonishing.

Gareth Edwards’ Godzil­la is one of the great block­busters of mod­ern times. Believe.

Con­sid­er­ing he cur­rent­ly stands at over 100 metres tall in his stockinged feet, there has been very lit­tle trace of Godzil­la in the weeks and months lead­ing up to Gareth Edwards’ load­sa­money rejig of the leg­endary Japan­ese mon­ster movie fran­chise. While the big lizard him­self has – quite cor­rect­ly and under­stand­ably – been kept under wraps, it might seem wor­ry­ing to some that the film has also remained lurk­ing in the shad­ows. The new X‑Men movie is bask­ing in some effu­sive advance-word, an all-per­va­sive Pringles tie-in and – for some rea­son – its own Vir­gin train. The sim­i­lar­ly-scaled Godzil­la movie has, how­ev­er, restrict­ed itself to a few pret­ty posters and a cou­ple of nat­ty trailers.

Though all very old-school and admirable in the­o­ry, such behav­iour more often points to the fact that the stu­dio nabobs have seen the fin­ished arti­cle and realised that they’ve dropped a big-mon­ey clanger – one that they hope to smug­gle into the cin­e­mas for an open­ing week­end smash and grab before the every­day pun­ters get wise to the fact that they’ve been sold a radioac­tive lemon.

Who gives? Let’s leave all that grub­by dime-store shiz­zle to the bean­coun­ters and let the dev­il take the hind­most, yeah? Quite right. Yet, in this case, all wrong. For if any film deserves a front-end push to grab peo­ple by the lapels and piss pure liq­uid fire into their stu­pid, flab­by faces, this is it. Because Godzil­la, quite sim­ply, is an atom­ic fuck­ing bomb of a movie.

Get your­self ready for a top-down cav­al­cade of sub­lime post-his­toric fury that melds the Dar­win­ian majesty of Jaws to the fer­al, DNAthe­is­tic chaos of Juras­sic Park amid the painter­ly, mys­tic awe of Close Encoun­ters. Your jaw will nev­er leave the floor, and if it does, it will only be so’s you can silent­ly mouth some rhetor­i­cal, some­way-coher­ent plea to the sim­i­lar­ly slack-jawed meat­sack weep­ing along to the cin­e­mat­ic per­fec­tion in the seat beside you. Why can’t all films be as good as this?’ you’ll ask. I don’t know,’ they will reply, but, I would give my left nut and/​or ovary for one of these a year.’

Ful­mi­nat­ing over the plot of Godzil­la is not only unnec­es­sary, it is unfair. There’s one big huge bas­tard mon­ster out there – we all know that ahead of time – but he’s lit­er­al­ly all over the place. This Godzil­la is not sim­ply one of those gar­gan­tu­an ABC-ers where one can pre­dict their every lumpen, pre-ordained paw­print, but an eccen­tric galumph of giant nar­ra­tive feints that rub­bish­es our every pop­corn expec­ta­tion. Does the big guy tear down the Eif­fel Tow­er? Yes, but is it the out­sized Parisian land­mark or the Las Vegas pas­tiche of same? You see? No? Fuck you!

For form’s sake, then: there’s some big earth­quake-ian to-do in Tokyo, cir­ca 1999. Hard-hat­ted sci­en­tists Juli­ette Binoche and Bryan Cranston (in a come and get me’ post-chemo-Wal­ter White hia­tus wig that is the film’s only flaw) know which way the under­ground wind is blow­ing, but before they can get top­side to access their Myspace accounts, all hell breaks loose.

Is it Godzil­la? Is it balls. British direc­tor Gareth Edwards under­stands that less is more (until he duly allows that more is more, and that even­tu­al­ly more is just a four-let­ter word). There’s an hour of slow build here that will please any­one who isn’t a bloody fool, so don’t expect the lol­lop­ing lizard any time soon. Cut to the present day, and the oppo­site edge of the Pacif­ic Rim, where Cranston’s son Aaron Tay­lor-John­son has just rotat­ed back from a mil­i­tary tour of Iraq into the arms of wife Eliz­a­beth Olsen. San Fran­cis­co. Gold­en Gate Bridge. We’ll come back to that lat­er. Stay calm.

Edwards has clear­ly tak­en plen­ty from the lin­er notes from his Spiel­berg box-set (the film con­tains sly ref­er­ences to every­thing from The Sug­ar­land Express to – oh, you betcha! – Schindler’s List), but he has some big, weird, utter­ly out­landish ideas all of his own. This is a film that has as much to do with James Cameron’s cin­e­mat­ic apoc­a­lypse as it does with the hell­ish­ly over­baked paint­ings of 19th Cen­tu­ry art-loon John Mar­tin. Both visions are beyond human under­stand­ing, both are based on the idea of some supra-nat­ur­al Krak­en we can nev­er, ever hope to out­run, one that we may, in our weak­est form of glo­ry, have cre­at­ed in the first place. Bal­loon juice, per­haps. But Edwards taps into an ele­men­tal under­tow that will suck down even the most casu­al viewer.

Put sim­ply, this is a film that should not exist. It has one scriptwriter, an all-but untest­ed direc­tor, a scope and vision that beg­gars belief, Via­gra-delay mon­ey-shots and the patience and for­ti­tude to pit the off-duty visions of Tarsem Singh and Peter Jack­son against the lega­cies of Gen­er­al George S Pat­ton and JMW Turn­er. And it cost – not that it should mat­ter to any of those boys, or to us – $200m.

A camel, they say, is a horse designed by com­mit­tee. This odd­ball thor­ough­bred could win the Grand Nation­al and the Ken­tucky Der­by on the same day. Lift its lizardy tail, blow a kiss up its arse­hole and let Godzil­la pound your balls. You’ll be glad you did. It’s just glorious.

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