U‑S-A 4EVA – An inau­gur­al address to the Spring Break nation

Just as Rea­gan had Die Hard and Bush had The Dark Knight, so America’s 44^th Com­man­der in Chief, Barack Oba­ma, will come to be asso­ci­at­ed with spe­cif­ic films from the last eight years. So what exact­ly is Oba­ma Era Cin­e­ma, and what does it reveal about the world we live in today? Have your say @LWLies #Oba­maEraCin­e­ma.

“In reaf­firm­ing the great­ness of our nation, we under­stand that great­ness is nev­er a giv­en. It must be earned. This is the fuckin’ Amer­i­can Dream. Our jour­ney has nev­er been one of short-cuts or set­tling-for-less. It has not been the path for the faint-heart­ed – for those who pre­fer leisure over work, or seek only the plea­sures of rich­es and fame. This is my fuckin’ dream, y’all! Rather, it has been the risk-tak­ers, the doers, the mak­ers of things – some cel­e­brat­ed but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have car­ried us up the long, rugged path towards pros­per­i­ty and free­dom – all this sheey-it!

For us, they packed up their few world­ly pos­ses­sions and trav­elled across oceans in search of a new life. Look at my sheey-it!!

For us, they toiled in sweat­shops – I got shurikens – and set­tled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Con­cord and Get­tys­burg; Nor­mandy and Khe Sanh. Time and again these men and women strug­gled and sac­ri­ficed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a bet­ter life. I got… I got SHORTS! Every fuckin’ colour. They saw Amer­i­ca as big­ger than the sum of our indi­vid­ual ambi­tions; greater than all the dif­fer­ences of birth or wealth – I got design­er T‑shirts! – or fac­tion – I got gold bullets!

This is the jour­ney we con­tin­ue today. We remain the most pros­per­ous, pow­er­ful nation on Earth. Our work­ers – Moth­er­fuck­ing VAM-pires! – are no less pro­duc­tive than when this cri­sis began. Our minds are no less inven­tive – That ain’t a fuckin’ bed; that’s a fuckin’ art piece – our goods and ser­vices no less need­ed than they were last week or last month or last year. My fuckin’ space­ship! Our capac­i­ty remains undi­min­ished. USS Enter­prise on this shit. But our time of stand­ing pat, of pro­tect­ing nar­row inter­ests and putting off unpleas­ant deci­sions – that time has sure­ly passed. I got Scar­face. Start­ing today, we must pick our­selves up on re-peat, dust our­selves off, and begin SCAR­FACE ON RE-PEAT! again the work of remak­ing America.

What is required of us now is a new era of respon­si­bil­i­ty – Con­stant, y’all! – a recog­ni­tion, on the part of every Amer­i­can, that we have duties to our­selves, our nation, and the world – duties that we do not grudg­ing­ly accept but rather seize glad­ly I got Escape!, firm in the knowl­edge that there is noth­ing so sat­is­fy­ing to the spir­it – Calvin Klein Escape! – so defin­ing of our char­ac­ter, than giv­ing our all to a dif­fi­cult task.

Mix it up with Calvin Klein Be – smell nice! This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our con­fi­dence – the knowl­edge that God calls on us to shape an uncer­tain des­tiny. I go to dif­fer­ent plan­ets on this moth­er­fuck­er! This is the mean­ing of our lib­er­ty and our creed – why men and women and chil­dren of every race and every faith can join in cel­e­bra­tion across this mag­nif­i­cent mall – Look at my shit. Look at my shit! – and why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restau­rant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath – me and my fuckin’ Franklins here, we take off.

So let us mark this day with remem­brance, of who we are and how far we have trav­eled. TAKE OFF! In the year of America’s birth, in the cold­est of months, a small band of patri­ots hud­dled by dying camp­fires on the shores of an icy riv­er. I got my blue Kool-Aid. The cap­i­tal was aban­doned. A fuck­ing army up in this shit! The ene­my was advanc­ing. The snow was stained with blood – I got my fuckin’ NUN-CHUCKS. At a moment when the out­come of our rev­o­lu­tion was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world… that I got my dark tan­nin’ oil in the depth of win­ter, when noth­ing but hope and virtue could survive…that the city and the coun­try, alarmed at one com­mon dan­ger – I got blades! – came forth to meet [it].”

Amer­i­ca, in the face of our com­mon dan­gers, in this win­ter of our hard­ship, let us remem­ber these time­less words – This ain’t nut­tin’, I got ROOMS of this shit! With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy cur­rents, and lay out by the pool, put on my dark tan­ning oil, endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s chil­dren that I got dif­fer­ent flavours when we were test­ed we refused to let this jour­ney end, that we did not turn back nor did we fal­ter; I got machine guns and with eyes fixed on the hori­zon and God’s grace upon us, we car­ried forth that great gift of free­dom – look at this, look at this moth­er­fuck­er here! – and deliv­ered it safe­ly to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the Unit­ed– look at this moth­er­fuck­er! – States of Amer­i­ca. Spring break for­ev­er, bitches!