How movies reveal the inti­mate details of romance

It’s hard to know whether grand roman­tic ges­tures hap­pen IRL. They’re usu­al­ly spe­cial moments that hap­pen pri­vate­ly between lovers. Their mean­ing can be obscure, only known to the peo­ple involved. Maybe after the fact, it’s some­thing that might be shared with friends and acquain­tances, a ten­der gloat about the lengths a per­son is will­ing to go to express his or her com­mit­ment. But we nev­er real­ly get to wit­ness the actu­al moment of bliss, or the big reveal.

That’s where movies come in. With the help of a cam­era and, hope­ful­ly, a doe-eyed writer with a hand­ful of cher­ished per­son­al mem­o­ries, these secret moments can be recre­at­ed and revealed to the world. Per­haps the great­est mod­ern real­i­sa­tion of this idea is in Richard Linklater’s sub­lime, walk-and-talk ​‘Before’ tril­o­gy, in which Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy) are seen at (rough­ly) ten-year inter­vals in their tumul­tuous relationship.

They bick­er and prod one anoth­er, they even occa­sion­al­ly descend into fierce argu­ments, but their love always finds a way through. Not in brazen ges­tures, or blurt­ed out dec­la­ra­tions, but in the details: a look; how close they wan­der, alter­na­tive­ly, through Vien­na, Paris and the Pelo­pon­nese; the way they touch; the way they can sec­ond-guess each other’s reac­tions. This is what the movies help us to see.

Anoth­er great mod­ern romance, When Har­ry Met Sal­ly…, presents a cou­ple who grad­u­al­ly under­stand that their con­tempt for one anoth­er is actu­al­ly the ini­tial pang of a beau­ti­ful romance. It’s a film that says know­ing what you don’t like about a per­son is a nec­es­sary for you to dis­cov­er what you do like about them. It’s also a film about the unique land­scape of New York City, from its plush apart­ments, favourite restau­rants and the romance that comes from tramp­ing Man­hat­tan streets at night.

In the film’s against-the-clock finale, Bil­ly Crystal’s Har­ry rush­es to a New Year’s par­ty to admit to Meg Ryan’s Sal­ly that every­thing he thought he hat­ed about her is why he adores her. Focus­ing on the tiny ges­tures of anoth­er per­son rather than the false way they present them­selves is the key to movie romance.

This new short doc­u­men­tary from Book​ing​.com cap­tures this very cin­e­mat­ic idea of romance being about small — rather than large — ges­tures. It presents a cou­ple who head to Vien­na to lay their eyes on Gus­tav Klimt’s The Kiss. There are sim­ple ways to show a lover that we under­stand them and are want to make a deep­er con­nec­tion to them. These are the moments that can trans­form an ear­ly-stage love affair into a long-haul romances for the ages.

Feel­ing roman­tic? Get inspired for your own roman­tic city trip here